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Rings of memory

What a wonderful piece. I feel this. 🌟

Mistakes & Adventures

A whirlwind swept through my world,
Cleaned me out,
And planted me in damage control,
Left picking up the pieces,
Like a puzzle only I can put together,
Gaps only I can fill,
Previous stories erased,
And blank pages in need of ink.
You used to nourish me,
My daily addiction,
A fulfilment of my soul,
And a tenderness only you could provide.
I stare out the window,
And see the neighbours play,
A breeze toys with the trees,
And I am left hollow,
Carved from memories of what once was,
And could have been.
This room haunts me,
All I see in the clutter is a mug,
The mug you got me,
Circled with brown stains,
Reminders of your frenzied romance,
And how I soared,
With that bitter taste in my mouth,
Made sweet by your lips,
It’s now nothing but a mirage,
A fading moment of passion,
Now…

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If ever.

If ever I could go back and say the words that still hang in the balance.  

lingering on the tip of my tongue and edge of my brain…
They fall out among the silences when I long for your words to fill me. 
They scream out for your hands to touch me once more.  
I sit with them, allowing them to take over my body.  Like a needle filling my veins with that warmth of poison, that tickle in my throat that only addicts know. 

If ever I could have the courage to say what it was I tried so hard to hide.  To tell you I love you still.  The worlds apart and time has never mattered to me.  I’m still here, stumbling along.  If this is living, than I’m ashamed to have this fraudulent breath fill my lungs.

I continue thinking that this shall pass like a virus running it’s course, but as days and nights run into one another and my restlessness becomes more apparent to my present company, I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

If ever I could just be a little more courageous and not be afraid of the truth …

Sweet sense feeling 

I had it once.  

I felt it before.  

No myth of unicorn 

Or silly folk lore.

I felt it once.

Warmth and protected.

that whole-hearted connectiom

To someone once…

Another time– 

I miss so much. 

Boy was I blessed. 

A calming hope, 

he provided–

this confusing chaos.  

I crave it still…

The sweet sense feeling.  

I look forward to my nights, 

When it’s me and him again…

Old habits…

I sat in the sanctuary.Habit, need even.

Absorbing the smells and obscene marble.

I knelt and looked to my left and right.

Understanding the most innocent, pure love.
I sat in the regular weekly pew.

Habit, need even.

Praying to the chants, 

and saints from before.

I look to the Angels above my head, 

the candles burning for sacrifice. 

The canonized predecessors who gave so much.
My thoughts are you. 

Habit, need even.

I count the verses, 

Recalling from memory.

I count the syllables,

Recalling from memory. 

Finding it hard to focus.
My thoughts are the numbers in my head. 

Habit, need even.

1-4-3–6

The constant loop.
I sat in the sanctuary,

Thinking of you.

Habit, need even.

Recalling from memory. 

The words can be counted, 

The building may burn.

The candles will be lit,

Incense upon the loss. 

Counting still on you.  

Recalling from memory. 

For you. 
The habit, need even.

Well, that is you. 

Recalling from what I know. 

What I’ve always known.

1-4-3–6

Untouchable

You do not even touch me,and I crave you.

You are my addiction….

Your voice fills my head.

Thoughts race around my mind.

Seeking you out.

Each moment treasured. 

Each syllable burned in memory

The space between us disappears.

It’s you, 

I always imagined. 

Those dreams becoming reality

Until the day, 

You finally belong to me. 

I’d move a mountain.. 

Swim the darkest seas.

Crawl the scalding sands…

For just one second–

Would be enough–

I believe. 

For you to belong to me ..

Once more.  

Not fixed 

The world spins.endless days,

restless in the dark.
the rains may fall,

the sun will shine,

the leaves will change.And I remain
fixed, 

intent on you.  

for you are mine.

Thoughts,

burning throughout your night,

into my day.  

Blind faith.

I know. 

It is fate. 

etched in the stars 

and upon my heart. 

I shine for you. 

All of me.  

Still.  

Original sin

A fire burns inside my heart.I can feel the heat rising from within.

It’s too hot, I’m coming apart.

My body can’t contain-

These burning flames.

It’s too damn hot

My flesh has started to sweat.

I strip down to naked skin.

I want to jump, crawl, dive back in.

In the fire, is where I belong

It’s where I feel most alive

Swimming among an abyss of scalding sins.

Goodnight moon. 

Each second lasts an eternity when you are not here.  Each minute is a lifetime of lost time when I can not hold you.  I searched for you last night, not in a creepy stalking way, it was 03.30 and I looked to the bright moon from my porch.  I knew it was day where you were, and I prayed for you.  I climbed back onto an empty bed, hoping you could feel me.  The minutes just seem so long without you.  

Auto pilot 

Where is it I belong? 

I search the corridors of my mind.

Trying to fit together each piece I find.

I always come up short.

I never quite understand.

Where or what I’m supposed to be.

Who is this woman?

I hear my name,

I see my face.

Then auto pilot… 

Right in place..

Going through the motions.

Not really present in many moments.

Reality calls me back, 

“Mama,” 

they say.

Perhaps I will sort it out.  

One day….