Blog

Written

I write words

That none will see.

None that matter,
not to me.
I write words
that none will see.
Our souls
need not words.
Our hearts
need not sentiment.
Our minds
need not validation.
I write words
That none will see.
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Numbers

3 hours 27 minutes

(207 minutes. 12,420 seconds)

We share the sun.

In your day and mine.

We share the sun.

Whether it be a cold wintry day,

or the intense sunshine.

We share the sun.

2 hours 33 minutes

(153 minutes. 9180 seconds)

We share the moon.

In your night and mine.

We share the the stars in the sky.

From your shores to mine.

We share the moon.

24 hours (today, tomorrow…)

(1440 minutes. 86,400 seconds)

We share words.

Interwoven threads,

Lined with smiles, laughter, tears,

Joy, ecstasy, hopes, and fears.

Interwoven across time.

Binding your heart with mine.

We share silence.

Entwined in miles of space.

Unspoken thoughts,

The hours, minutes, and seconds erase.

It’s you. It’s me.

Two souls, two hearts.

One flesh.

In tune, worlds apart.

Sin Tu Amor (Without Your Love)

Feel this…🌟🌟🌟🌟

The Lonely Author

fire-heart-love-wallpaper-hands-grabbing-for-love-e1337200894942

 Sin Tu Amor  (Without Your Love)

,

Sin tu amor
Your tattooed memories remain
Flickering inside my blazing heart
Along with the poetry you engraved

Sin tu amor
Slow lava tears scorch my ducts
As your words drip down my cheeks
Since you are not here with me

Sin tu amor
Smoldering emotions consume me
With a fire that will never douse
For our love will burn eternally

.

Yes, unfortunately, it is over.  I am eternally grateful for my time with N.  She is a remarkable, talented, loving woman.  And I dare say, for a brief time, I was loved in a way no man has ever been loved.

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Inside out

I would love you no matter ….

My soul knew you as mine.

I unconsciously fell. Deep. Hard.

Until I understood…

Losing you made me understand.

Our story has not even began.

We will be together again.

In some life. And in my soul. We will have that always. And I can live without you. Because I hold you in the out precious and protected part of my being.

Lies hold my truths

Lies run into truths and how do we decipher? I can be your best friend, your heart, but I can not save you. I can hold you in the darkest hours and stand with you in the brightest of lights weather the storm, but I can not save you. Lies build nothing but a pile of heartbreak and sadness. We hide behind the masks we wear, hoping for a glimpse of truth and perhaps a small chance at happiness. We both know it’s not real, and in the end, when the pieces fall, we are left holding each other or going our separate ways. The reality of it is we won’t be. I will be here, and you will remain steadfast and good. As good as the lies we tell ourselves. As good as the days run into nights run into more time wasted as we tell ourselves we are okay. We both know temporary fixes never heal the shattered soul. We hide behind words we don’t say, and pleasantries we wish we could elaborate on. Like, ‘i am not okay, and a simple have a nice day ….could be instead ‘what the fuck happened’ truth be told, lies are what keeps me from breaking completely. I sit and wonder sometimes how the conversation would transpire and am immediately snapped back into reality when I look around at an empty chair, look to a screen without a notification, look into the mirror at eyes that used to glimmer at the thought of a future. A place that no longer exists. A place I would have fought like hell for. Now it’s just a pile of lies among the pieces of our shattered souls. I look into the eyes of people and wonder if they can see the pain I try to hide. I can adapt and pretend to smile and on the inside I am broken and wonder if I can ever recover. I can understand that I will forever be changed by having loved and having lost, but at what point does the pain ever feel less. When does the hurt subside? So for now, I will hide behind the pleasantries and the emotionless responses because it’s easier than the truth of admitting that maybe I am not as progressed as I thought or as I assume to be.

3 words

I scribble thoughts,

Quickly to be erased.
Scratched out,
Backspace,
Delete.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.

Words.
Don’t fill the emptiness inside my heart.
Words.
Can not replace what I was not prepared to lose.
Words.
I am stuck in a sea of words,
Drowning in ink … 
Words.
Unspoken, deleted, silenced.
Words.
Letters on a page, across a screen…
Words.
Gave you to me.
Words.
Fail me now.
I do not dare to say, type, or write.
As the same three scream from my soul.
Always appearing on my screen, in my head, across the page…

Those three words..
Delete.
Delete.
Delete.

Truth tellers 

I can tell you I am okay.
But,
My eyes always will always give me away..

— I can not hide the truth and smile in my eyes … Even after all this time… Love for you has no disguise…

Bayside thoughts… 

Lies run into truths and how do we decipher?   I can be your best friend, your heart,  but I can not save you.  I can hold you in the darkest hours and stand with you in the brightest of lights and weather the storm, but I can not save you.  Lies build nothing but a pile of heartbreak and sadness.  We hide behind the masks we wear, hoping for a glimpse of truth and perhaps a small chance at happiness.  We both know it’s not real, and in the end, when the pieces fall, we are left holding each other or going our separate ways.  The reality of it is, we won’t be.  I will be here, and you will remain steadfast and good….as good as the lies we tell ourselves.  As good as the days run into nights, run into more time wasted; as we tell ourselves we are okay.  We both know temporary fixes never heal the shattered soul.  We hide behind words we don’t say, and pleasantries we wish we could elaborate on.  Like, ‘i am not okay, and a simple ‘have a nice day’ ….could be instead ‘what the fuck happened’  truth be told, lies are what keeps me from breaking completely.  I sit and wonder sometimes how the conversation would transpire, and am immediately snapped back into reality when I look around at an empty chair, look to a screen without a notification, look into the mirror at eyes that used to glimmer at the thought of a future. A place that no longer exists.  A place I would have fought like hell for.  Now it’s just a pile of lies among the pieces of our shattered souls.   I look into the eyes of people and wonder if they can see the pain I try to hide.  I can adapt and pretend to smile and on the inside I am broken and wonder if I can ever recover.  I can understand that I will forever be changed by having loved and having lost, but at what point does the pain ever feel less.  When does the hurt subside?  So for now, I will hide behind the pleasantries and the emotionless responses because it’s easier than the truth of admitting that maybe I am not as progressed as I thought or as I assume to be. 

Edit: please forgive the grammar, typos, run-on’s, etc… Truly a bunch of run on Bayside thoughts…. 🌟 Thank you for stopping by….. T🌟

Now what? 

You own a piece of my soul, and the broken pieces of my heart; that whisper your sweet name…. Even when I fight it, even when I know there is no chance, even when I know I should be moving on.  It’s your name that comes from a place deep inside me.  I was not prepared to love you, and then lose you. Now what?  

 (And now there is this void, that can never be replaced)