Bayside thoughts… 

Lies run into truths and how do we decipher?   I can be your best friend, your heart,  but I can not save you.  I can hold you in the darkest hours and stand with you in the brightest of lights and weather the storm, but I can not save you.  Lies build nothing but a pile of heartbreak and sadness.  We hide behind the masks we wear, hoping for a glimpse of truth and perhaps a small chance at happiness.  We both know it’s not real, and in the end, when the pieces fall, we are left holding each other or going our separate ways.  The reality of it is, we won’t be.  I will be here, and you will remain steadfast and good….as good as the lies we tell ourselves.  As good as the days run into nights, run into more time wasted; as we tell ourselves we are okay.  We both know temporary fixes never heal the shattered soul.  We hide behind words we don’t say, and pleasantries we wish we could elaborate on.  Like, ‘i am not okay, and a simple ‘have a nice day’ ….could be instead ‘what the fuck happened’  truth be told, lies are what keeps me from breaking completely.  I sit and wonder sometimes how the conversation would transpire, and am immediately snapped back into reality when I look around at an empty chair, look to a screen without a notification, look into the mirror at eyes that used to glimmer at the thought of a future. A place that no longer exists.  A place I would have fought like hell for.  Now it’s just a pile of lies among the pieces of our shattered souls.   I look into the eyes of people and wonder if they can see the pain I try to hide.  I can adapt and pretend to smile and on the inside I am broken and wonder if I can ever recover.  I can understand that I will forever be changed by having loved and having lost, but at what point does the pain ever feel less.  When does the hurt subside?  So for now, I will hide behind the pleasantries and the emotionless responses because it’s easier than the truth of admitting that maybe I am not as progressed as I thought or as I assume to be. 

Edit: please forgive the grammar, typos, run-on’s, etc… Truly a bunch of run on Bayside thoughts…. 🌟 Thank you for stopping by….. T🌟

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