Sundays 

I waited silently,  as they packed up their goodies from the past few days.  An extra day together, I can’t wait!  Many things to look forward too… 
I should be happy. 

I wait silently still, fixed in the rocking chair, as they have crossed the bridge to the home I once called my own.

I should be happy.

Sadness overtakes me as I watch the sun sink into the bay.   Alone with silence and thoughts that seem to scream from everything inside me. 

I should be happy.  Gracious for my blessings, thankful my family and friends are safe and healthy.  Guilt comes next and then shame follows up as it knows it’s place in the pecking order. 

I watch the sun sink with the pangs in my heart  as the silence I keep overwhelms me.  So many things I have inside I choose not to reckon with, I am afraid.  I watched the sun fade and the night take over as I know I will lie awake and battle the endless war between then and now.  Between me and truth.  Between love and loss.  

I should be happy.  I should be grateful.  I should be a lot of things.  

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3 thoughts on “Sundays 

  1. Ah, the guilt is palpable and I am sure you are grateful. Sometimes life doesn’t deal us great cards to work with, even if we shuffled the deck ourselves. We all make mistakes so don’t be too hard on yourself. Cherish the time you have and love as much as you can.

    Liked by 1 person

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