If ever.

If ever I could go back and say the words that still hang in the balance.  

lingering on the tip of my tongue and edge of my brain…
They fall out among the silences when I long for your words to fill me. 
They scream out for your hands to touch me once more.  
I sit with them, allowing them to take over my body.  Like a needle filling my veins with that warmth of poison, that tickle in my throat that only addicts know. 

If ever I could have the courage to say what it was I tried so hard to hide.  To tell you I love you still.  The worlds apart and time has never mattered to me.  I’m still here, stumbling along.  If this is living, than I’m ashamed to have this fraudulent breath fill my lungs.

I continue thinking that this shall pass like a virus running it’s course, but as days and nights run into one another and my restlessness becomes more apparent to my present company, I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

If ever I could just be a little more courageous and not be afraid of the truth …


3 thoughts on “If ever.

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