I used to welcome the night, smiling into my pillow. We would speak and giggle about nothing and everything. Now, I fear those long dark hours while you go about your day. The smiles are replaced with silent tears. There is a constant dull ache in my chest as my thoughts race between memories, silly delusional scenarios I play out in my mind that will never touch reality, and the positive affirmations I try and tell myself. I stay away from our private moments, I can’t seem to allow myself to let them go. I hate when ‘bed time’ rolls around. I never thought missing you would hurt this much. I never thought I’d lose you in the first place.