Pillow talk

I used to welcome the night, smiling into my pillow.  We would speak and giggle about nothing and everything.  Now, I fear those long dark hours while you go about your day.  The smiles are replaced with silent tears. There is a constant dull ache in my chest as my thoughts race between memories, silly delusional scenarios I play out in my mind that will never touch reality, and the positive affirmations I try and tell myself.  I stay away from our private moments, I can’t seem to allow myself to let them go.  I hate when ‘bed time’ rolls around.  I never thought missing you would hurt this much.  I never thought I’d lose you in the first place.  

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